Wedding vows irrespective of religion, race
or culture basically say the same thing (semi colon)
through thick and thin, for better or worse, till
death do us part
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love
and to be loved in return
“But one thing is certain, the
dunes are changed by the wind constantly and relentlessly,
but the desert never changes. It will always be the same…”
Recently I attended my Professor’s daughter’s wedding.
Weddings, no matter whose, is always a grand affair. This
one was no exception. Held at the Dewan Seri Endon in Putrajaya,
it was a formal event to celebrate the union of two hearts.
My Professor’s family was all dressed in shades of pink
- soft pink, hard pink, shocking pink, you name it, they
had it. The groom actually looked good in a shocking pink
modern baju melayu with a mandarin collar. Wearing
his hair long, he looked like a ‘laksamana’ from
the days of Hang Tuah...
Well, wedding vows irrespective of religion, race or culture
basically say the same thing: through thick and thin, for
better or worse, till death do us part.
Most people I know, tie the knot out of love - which is
pretty lucky, while some get married because of family obligations
- not so fortunate and some out of compulsion - which is
the worst kind of all. But hey, who are we to judge and
say they might not be happy regardless of how they became
hitched?
But we still wonder why our spouses’ annoying habits, readily
accepted before marriage, suddenly become so intolerable
with the passage of time. Some of us can’t even keep a civil
conversation on the phone for two minutes without a tiff
when you could do it for hours on end before marriage.
We’ve also heard about couples who were so madly in love
with each other, decide to wed but end up divorced within
a year due to irreconcilable differences! And to think that
it was these opposites which attracted them to each other!
What about the Romeos who tire of their Juliets and turn
them into punching bags at the first argument. Why? How?
So how do you define love and marriage? I read somewhere
that love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener! Or is
love just a game and marriage a gamble, that many of us
lose because we were hoping or our partners were hoping
to mould each other into someone they wished for but failed
to get? Either that, or we end up living our lives for those
around us and no longer for ourselves.
If you’ve read ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho, he
also mentions something along these lines. He says that
‘when someone sees the same people every day, they wind
up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they
want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others
want them to be, they become angry. Everyone seems to have
a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives,
but none about his or her own’.
It’s all about change - changing a person. My guess is,
this is pretty normal for married couples. Once you’re married
or with someone, you’re expected to change, adapt to your
partner, your surroundings and your environment. Its very
cliché to hear “I love you for who you are” but at
the same time, expecting the person whom you love so much
to change for you.
And when marital problems come to pass, many of us tend
to brood over the negative aspects, thus adding fuel to
fire. At that point, we could never think of the happy moments
that were shared. Instead, we focus on the intrinsic unhappiness
that we’re going through. Why? Is it easier that way?
Coelho, like any other writer, also talks about love. His
take is interesting. It’s no different from other perspectives
on love, but it is still philosophical.
He says, when two people encounter each other, and their
eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There
is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything
under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the
hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every
person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would
have no meaning.
But there is one concept that baffles me, “the meaning
of love without ownership”. Metaphorical? Is it because
the notion of love as we understand it, is, as distinct
from possession and can’t be separated?
The protagonist hopes the desert birds could explain to
him the meaning of love without ownership. This question
goes unanswered. Or maybe because I’m not an ‘Alchemist’
that I don’t understand enough to dissect this idea.
But one thing is certain, the dunes are changed by the wind
constantly and relentlessly, but the desert never changes.
It will always be the same...
Yes, and we hope no matter how much a person changes, the
love will always remain the same. As Ewan McGregor said
in Moulin Rouge, “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn
is to love and to be loved in return”. And every time
I watch that movie, I still cry with him at the end for
the love found and lost...
Congratulations Lydia Iryani Khairul Banks! May you have
a good and blissful life ahead.
